True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
