Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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