My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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