I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
