I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
