im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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