yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I cockslap morals
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
