Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
