Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
