belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
