i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
im six kinds of drunk right now
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
