bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
