At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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