You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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