John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
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One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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