Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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