Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i will never coherently bang her
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
