the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
