your thong is hanging out like whoa
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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