And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Randomize
