She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
