Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
