I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
