Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
