I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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