Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize