I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
