I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
