i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
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Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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