That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize