I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
