I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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