Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
