Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
