I wish life had little blips of pornography
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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