Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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