There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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