hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
