you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
