Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
