Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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