The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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