Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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