I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
