According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
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I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
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I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I did not marry a roomba.
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