just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
