woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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