My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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