i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
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I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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