butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
