Betty ford says i'm here all night
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize
