cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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