Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
