pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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