I wannas sexs uuuuu
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
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