There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
