brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
