I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
