I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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