My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
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I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
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What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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