I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
