It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
